Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
