Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
