mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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