So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
