dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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