My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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