it was like eating out sand paper
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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