Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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