Little spoons don't ask big questions
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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