It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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