Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
