i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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