i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
