the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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