I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
