So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize