I cannot find my penis.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
