I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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