Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
