Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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