Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i now understand why vodka
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
