my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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