Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
