She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
