Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
