And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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