I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
