So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
