i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
