just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize