you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
