I cannot find my penis.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
