Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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