I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
