i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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