if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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