You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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