White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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