ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
