I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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