I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
