you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
