new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
