Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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