I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
