My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My feet surprised me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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