If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
