There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
