What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
