I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize