He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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