I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
