New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
