You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
