Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
