you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Damn victory sex feels great
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
