i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
