Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
