I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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