the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
