SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
