Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
