be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
