i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
