Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
