The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
