I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
