So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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