I'm going to jail i love you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
